Time of the child

When writing essays, as expected, it had better take background music. When the situation deviates from a subject intending to write it, it is serious. Inside of my head goes here and there and my sentences become chaotic. And I cause dizziness when keeping writing. 　
My concentration as I was young becomes decline. Any Children has powers that any boring rubbishes can change to something treasure. Believed the world has spread unlimitedly.
I felt scared no matter how soothe and humor the adult might be. It was hate. This and that I think about the child's time....
When I played the toy of the house with my niece, she told me
"I’m entering into this house!"
There were doors and windows on the wall of 30 centimeters every direction. My niece pressed the intercom. And I gave say "Ting-a-ling" because the toy did not make a sound. She thought of herself the resident of the house.
"Who is it?” Please enter.”
Then, she stood up and, got into the house of the telephone card size as if she was a dwarf. She was soaked in the world of the story to the full. There was not the size of the toy in her eyes.
“Ah!” I said, so she pulled herself together. We rolled laughingly together. That is she was three years.
By the way, it is coming a month of Christmas. At last ginkgo avenue of the Meiji-Jingu-Gaien turn red and yellow from last week. 　
I remember that I went with my niece last autumn. They like leaves and nuts, so walked around and picked them up. Therefore a day completely went down when we returned to the house.
The time of the child never run out.
Christmas comes soon! Christmas is not a thing only for the children. “Christmas Carols" of Dickens is the story that Scrooge of the chief character, is picked out his past crime.
In bustle of the December, we feel seem to be some him. Finally the thing left to him might be time of the child?

The Reconstruction of Kobe

I thought it would be a good chance to visit Kobe, so I got off the train there on my way to Kyushu and went to Nagata area.
I couldn’t imagine how bad the tragedy for the town had been after it was hit by the earthquake two years ago. The only old building which had been built before the earthquake was Nagata-Shinto shrine. Because it had been built far away from other buildings, it wasn’t burnt. There were only apartments there which had been built rapidly and easily－they were not designed well and built only to live in.
In front a long wall being built, a worker with a helmet was leading a truck. Looking at the barrack stores easy constructed after earthquake, I remembered the news of the earthquake.
But I thought the people who lived in Kobe when I rode with the subway looked normal. Most of people must be mentally injured, but I couldn’t seem any feeling so tragic and awful on their figures. I thought our mental injuries come up and heal under the disguise of ordinary life.
When I was walking in the center of the town for a few minutes, I couldn’t stop weeping because I felt that the little town Kobe was going to reconstruct for a new hopeful future. I had been confused about everything because I had been weary of the daily life in Tokyo and I had often felt negative. But I was encouraged by the town. I felt it said I wasn’t the only one who felt pain and it was great that I could come here.
“Why is a person born? What is the energy for living?”
I couldn’t get the answer, no matter how I kept thinking. But I could solve the questions as if the window of Kyushu-Nippo-main line.
“There is no answer. It is only important that you think about it.”
It seemed somebody answered this to me over the quiet Japanese mountains outside the train window.
“Yes, if you feel stressed you have to travel, don’t you?” I whispered to MOMO― the heroine of the nursery story written by Michael Ende．

My Music Trip

Are there many ways to sing? I can't understand either Japanese popular songs, or rock, when I watch them on television. It seems so different from the family chorus that I sang in at my mother' home and the vocal method, Tomatis and a classical singing method that I learned at the music school that I have been studying at since last autumn. It is best to have the most comfortable singing experience with oneself, but I’m confused now.
My persistent pursuit of music began in fifth grade. My teacher, Ms. Fumiko Matsuzaki, was in charge of the upper-grades music classes.
The level of the music class at my elementary school was high. And we finished weekly the assembly with the drum and fife marching band.
This drum and fife band was made up of students of the sixth grade. However, I’ve felt regret when Mrs.Matuszaki selected members of the percussion instrument group.
"You are good!" Though I was praised by some of my classmates, and I was confident I would to be chosen, I was not. I wondered if she might have had some kind of unstated reason for not choosing me.
My homeroom teacher sympathized with me and prepared the post of the vice-leader. However, I still wanted to play an instrument with musical sounds no matter what.
I couldn’t say so, though, and on the day of the ceremony I ran a fever and had to be put in bed for the whole morning.
Anyway, from next week, I began to play a recorder as a member of the main group.
Although it seemed that others were trying to degrade and look down on me, I ignored them. My recorder was my only small anchor through that time of my life. I entrusted myself completely to my dream of melody and music!
After school there was a special class, the Shibuya-ward’s boy and girl’s wind instrument music school, for 3 or 4 specially chosen students at my school. The special class is open to fifth and sixth graders. I really wanted to participate, so in the sixth grade I applied by myself and was accepted.
The clear tone of the flute to hear through my hearing aid was comfortable in my ear, despite the effort of filtering not only noise but people’s voices which were louder than required.
　 After graduation from elementary school, I entered the private junior high school in Yokohama, and continued going to the music school, until I was second year at high school, one way nearly 2 hours.
There was a misunderstanding in my junior high school and high school, because I had difficulty hearing. Though I was in favor with the teacher of the music class, I was removed from the chorus just before a chorus festival of senior high school because of the prejudice of some of my classmates.
I acted as if I didn’t mind it too much, because I felt responsibility about myself “I cannot hear so well." But in fact, I was considerably hurt.
Afterwards, when it came time to enter university, I came to feel a kind of fear at the standard way of thinking which equates deafness with art school.
　On one day while silently painting my art works, I thought "I won’t be able to do music any more…” and became discouraged about taking the entrance examination for a university of arts. The idea that I wanted to continue music became my motivation for escaping from the route for an examination for university of arts.
I always want to maintain my concern with "hearing”. Therefore, it was quite natural that I chose as the theme of my graduation thesis “music workshop and musical therapy” when I was a Women’s University student.
Playing music with hearing handicapped children for ten years was enough to heal those inner hurts which had come from various misunderstanding that I received doing music.
I’ll write about these activities again, but the knowledge of music and the musical therapy that I learned through my graduation thesis opened a new way on a life trip with music. Even now I study vocal music, and through my study I hope to newly discover my own special music center within.
As a substitute for sleeping pills when my insomnia was terrible, I sang songs from my elementary school music textbook and "Catholic hymns" (Komei-sha). 　But I recently I have realized that the human body seems to change with age. 　I’ve gradually came to not sing when I stick to my former style.
　The music is the same as a prayer. I sing again and again, and sing newly every day, dedicate new song for only that day. The temporary work of singing, because I don’t need to drag it out to the next day, gives me another kind of enjoyment, being different from drawing paintings.
Because I can hear only my own voice well and I can’t hear television and the music of CD’s too clearly, anyway, I keep singing out aloud by myself. Because I can never do mimicry, I sing in my original style. Frankly, I feel it is a little sad and lonely. But, anyway, because there is nothing to disturb or block it, I can soak myself in my own rich world of imagination.
"Music, music", somebody murmurs in the depths of my ears and my heart.
Would that be I, myself who was young when I lost my hearing ability on that far-off day?

The Particular Shirts

Looking at a man who is to stick to something, I would be had better forget about it. But the man seemed to find his being of a merit by keeping something worthless. I think that is strange.
There is a shirt here. I was very fond of it, and it was worn by my brother once. But I don’t want you to get the wrong idea why it is for my brother? Or don’t I? In any case, I asked him importantly for it.
“Why do you want it?”
He was amazed at me, but he said he would give it to me, if I passed the test. Of course, he didn’t think that his sister could pass at all. But I could get the full score for the first time since entering the junior school.
That was an English proverb test. I thought I could pass it if I tried earnestly. From then the shirt has reminded of me my honor. When I felt inferior to my brother, I was the shirts.
　My brother was superior in studying to my sister. She was thought by the same teacher, and he said something disagreeable to her, and she was hurt. I had an inferiority complex for them very much. My brother and sister and I had difficult personalities from each teacher, but I’m proud of the differences we have in our lives.
One day, I was urging with my mother, so I couldn’t manage me. I went to my sister who sold cars in Hachioji. She consulted to me in busy working time.
“What! You were urging so thing.
It was two hours to meet her, but I’ve forgotten what I was particular about only by saying so.
I make it the fort of my own heart by sticking to one piece of shirt. It can be concerned with being solved problems by abandoning it.
I think there is various ways to stick.

The Incident of Bouillabaisse

The day before we arrived in Boston, the television news said it would be cold to the point of ¬－40 ℃.　My cousin and I landed at the Boston airport which was covered by a lot of snow. Luckily for us the weather got nicer and nicer from that day. I jumped up and said “Boston! Boston!”, because I felt glad to have come there.
A black man walked by me.
“This is not Japan!” my cousin reproved me.
An accident happened the following day.
At night, after sightseeing in the city guided by my old friend who lived in Boston, we were brought to a lobster restaurant by a man who knew my cousin’s father.
It was next to another lobster restaurant which we had been brought to by a local couple the day before .I thought it was no problem, and I would eat it thankfully.
Because I felt full already, having eaten three kinds of fried food, I wanted to eat it too; therefore we ordered the fried oysters along with the lobster. Soon a waiter brought a dish of Bouillabaisse and put it in front of my cousin. She forget to share it with me, absorbed in talking with the man, ate all of it.
She took the half of the fried oysters which came afterwards to another dish, and put the dish where she could see it. And she ate that up too. I ate only half of and I felt crying.
The man gave us a ride, after dinner, to the hotel which we were staying. But he offered to show us the night view of Boston, and our car passed the hotel.
I cried tearfully, feeling sentimental, because I ate only a half plate of fried oysters and drank a few glasses of wine felt hungry. After we came back to the hotel, I said to her.
“We are going to travel together one more week, so I don’t like to be quiet about this, I want to say it now…We ordered Bouillabaisse together, didn’t we? Why did you eat it all by yourself? For there was another man, I couldn’t say that to you, and I’d already enough of fried food for lunch.”
“I’m sorry, but I have done that before. I have eaten up all dishes which I ordered with my friends. Wouldn’t you feel awful for food troubles? Aha ha…”
It was a joke but I felt like dying,
After sightseeing Boston, we flew to Rochester where my brother was studying. Taking care of my niece who had been born a month before, my cousin said to my brother and his wife the incident of Bouillabaisse.
I just laughed and didn’t say anything.
I thought remember it as a part of memory of the U.S.A. journey.
I thought again how delicious the Asian foods when my brother brought us to a Vietnamese restaurant which was the only Asian restaurant in the city. And probably in Boston, I think Lobster and Bouillabaisse which I could not eat would have been the most delicious food there.





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The Death of a Rugby Player

　There were something brought about by the death of a young man, it was neither grief nor despair. Although not many people knew that be lived in such a way that brought brightness and hope in other people’s lives.
He was a rugby player who died from a brain tumor when he was only 18 years old. Although I never met him I knew of him from my mother who was very good friends with his mother. His mother had written an essay about him called“Flying to heaven” or “The Ascension”in a book entitled Hisho (published by Shuei-sha in Japan) and a best-seller in1978. It is a record of his adolescence describing how he lived. I was touched by his history. There is a photograph printed in the book which shows him laughing. I had it in my bag when I went to school.
　I don’t like philosophy called ,“kajinhakumei (ka beautiful + jin person + haku thin + mei life)which literally translated to,―”a beautiful woman is destined to die young.; however beauty and fortune seldom go together. (Origin: Chinese classics). I wondered why such a nice boy had to die. He was so innocent.
Although he endured much pain from the tumor and was afraid of those around him, he didn’t complain.
I know I’m neither a saint nor noble man, but I say it is better to show happiness than to cry and complain. Yet, I have pains, in my body and have been feeling anxious about my health more than　anything recently , because I’ m getting older .
I don’t think I should say that “I should have died” because someone like him. But I feel that the strongest prayer for me calling his name in my mind. Doing that makes my heart felt lighter, as if　I went　through a tunnel. As a result my pain unre lentlessly lessened.
A young man’s life which is full of troubles can change with a little hope pray of us.
Life is paradox. I believe that if live by goodness, hope won’t be lost. 　

I made Japanese sweets in Canada

Since I had a lesson how to make Japanese sweets called “Momiji-maple leaf; my memory had been that I want to go to Canada and make them because Canada is famous for maple leaves. It was realized before the last year when I went to Victoria, Canada at the beginning of the autumn when maple leaf season started.
Although I checked ingredients of Japanese sweets, I found I forgot to bring Shiratama-ko-Japanese rice powder- when I arrived at my host family house. But luckily there was a Japanese grocery shop nearby my home stay houses. They had not only rice, miso, and tofu, but Shiratama-ko and Anko-Japanese beans paste.
In the morning I studied English, in the afternoon went to sightseeing, and I introduced Japanese culture to my host family. On the last day, my host mother left me to do all the work of cooking, so, I went shopping to the Japanese grocery shop and supermarket and made Japanese sweets “Momiji with my host mother,: After the Japanese meal, I made Japanese powdered green tea and served them. It was a very wonderful night in my life! It was night I will never forget. It will always cherish the memory of that night.

"Ave Maria" and a Rosary

Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary are a man and a woman, but it does not mean they are on opposite sides. The mass of the church is performed as a ceremony of dedication to the Jesus Christ in all of us. On the other hand, I think that it is the prayer of the Virgin Mary that is most easily used in our everyday lives. In a sense, it is similar to the mantra of "Namu Myoho Renge Kyo" of the Lotus School of Buddhism.
It seems to me that it like a crime to follow too rigidly the words of the Bible, which to me, is like wearing thorny clothes.
　

Let’s assume that t a sister from a covenant of contemplation gets on a train and move somewhere. However, even if the train which is a simple mode of transportation, it will become a "hell train" for her. I have got the letter of such contents.
For example, I've felt a terrible sense of guilt like cutting both my body and heart, on Good Friday just before Easter. Though I haven’t commit any crime in particular, I had a sense of guilt in my body (as Jesus Christ was crucified for our sins), and I desperately expiated my sin to share of another stranger. No, not a total stranger, but my own original sin.

My mother put her heart and soul into the interviewer of the complaint with a large number of people as sister; I recollect she seemed to be right Jesus Christ.
Because those people made human relations with mother directly or indirectly, she wanted to make someone’s wish come true, but another’s can’t, and she has become in a fix for be “have the whole world against one”, I supposed.
My mother took both the wish and the complaint of everyone with her, to God, as the form that got very tangled in during her last moments. God judged it, though it is good or bad, but I felt she was sorry.

I am now studying the vocal music “Ave Maria” by C.Gnound, but this is a score with the music for "Ave Maria", by the Annunciation of Holy Mother.

Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum,
benedicta tu in mulieribus et benedictus fructus ventris tui Jesus!
Sancta Maria, sancta Maria, Maria ora pro nobis,
nobis peccatoribus nunc et in hora mortis nostrae. Amen.

There are many wonderful composers, including Mozart's version of "Ave Maria" They are all are splendid. “but feel even there are pile up worthless greed and complaint need not to say when I sing."
When I continue singing a Rosary with the hope that I ask the Virgin Mary and make God intercede for me with “Ave, Ave...” as they fall like the rain-dew. If a decade ring fails like rain, I can’t stand, but I feel that it is such.
After finishing my voice lesson, I said this, in spite of my fear, because my teacher is younger than me). "Prayer should be simple, shouldn’t it?”
If almost of all us would pray more often “Nam Myoho Renge Kyo” or “Ave, Ave”, there will be decrease in complaint and our greed.

It is difficult for me to sing Ave Maria with my whole heart. This is because I must visualize the music, which is bit too abstract - and I must express it using only my voice.
I also meditate by praying the words “Way of Cross” I’ve never seen and heard while remembering the masterpiece I watched somewhere. I don’t want to pray idly, but my prayers sometimes seem empty. I feel it seems to be a kind of sentiment to reach four-dimensional state finally.
While I tell my rosary’s head as if it is infinite, while coming and going from “the Apostle's Creed” which is the prayer of the future - and “Ave Maria” which is the prayer of the past. ”The Lord’s Prayer” belongs to both the past and future, and so it is of this, three-dimensional world.

Princess Betty

I looked forward studying abroad but it was postponed because a terrorism accident 9/11day at New York and a recently international situation following it. In spite of them, I want to have something aim of studying English not only for abandon my dream of studying abroad having since I was 20 years. But I have changed my destination, to America or Canada, or Britain, as flirtation, so I didn’t think so serious honestly.
But because I had lastly decided to go to Boston standing between English culture and American, and I gave up my plan, so I was looking toward the European points.
And I remembered I was interested in English literary more than American when I was a junior college student. From when I was a elementary school student, I was fond of detective novels as Sherlock Holms and feeling of English culture. The reason that why my Christian name-Maria Elizabeth which it is title of this book was a princess of Portugal, there my balance may be on Europe.
　She is a Saint princess who married into Portuguese King but was worried about struggles in Royal Court but canalized hers energies into charity work.
When I went on a pilgrimage to French, I said a priest,
“I think there is no same Christian name in Japan, if I’ll look for.”
　Why did my parents name me so noble baptismal name to me, because it might be a little united between Japanese Imperial House and my mother house?
But I had a hearing defect since I was child and I don’t like too ceremonious rule and restraint, so it it’s only existence of celestial for Imperial House.
　Although there are something under the guidance of the Spirit for me. I don’t deny there are another superior power leading me sometimes. I regard a modesty friend very much, and I make efforts not to have more proud In spite of it, another I lift up, in a sense saying haughty me.
But I don’t matter, I don’t contradict it I can’t only be found another words. When I visited Kyoto for my cousins wedding, it was happened a miracle by Saint princess power laying in my mind that I’ve came across our diseased Princess Diana riding a car when she went through The Kyoto Imperial Palace in early morning.
This modest confidence leading me who I don’t have so high academic background support me aping to fall down too weak.
But Princess Betty like the common people. Because they show me pleasure of living. There are like people that and this, it is inevitable she(I) see them only a group not being able each.
Princess Betty’s eye direct the weak with a motherly looking . By another power different from my mind.
Princess Betty love Princess Diana. I wish that my studying abroad Britain may come true by this our friendship.

The Notebook from the English Grammar Class

“For you have difficulty hearing, you should major in Japanese. The teacher interviewing the examinees told me. I thought it was unexpected. When I was in high school, I didn’t like ancient writings and Chinese writings, and I thought it was unbearable studying them any more. My English was not good, but I had prepared for my class everyday. It was not hard for me to study it everyday. Therefore I took the examination for the English major.
Before the college entrance examination, my home tutor gave a cold to me, and I caught cold and couldn’t get out of the bed for month. I could go to the graduation ceremony, but I couldn’t enter college that year. I couldn’t remember most of what I’d learned in the past any longer. I couldn’t pass most of the examination next year, either and I was going to have the last examination.
My parents prayed for my passing somewhere. At last, I could come up to their expectations. I was humiliated very much, as if I was caught on the last step of stairs after rolling down, but I went to the entrance with the best score in the department.
The first lecture after entering school was of the English grammar class. Suddenly teacher pointed at me. I thought he was a dismal teacher. I couldn’t answer because I didn’t know what to say and I was answering. From then he had not asked to me answer for two years.
But Mr. didn’t you know that all the answers in the class for two years were my answers from my notebook.
In any case, it was a joy for me to read and write English. It was as if solving a puzzle for me preparing for English classes.
When I came to school in the morning, someone would always ask me to borrow my notebook.
And someone else would copy it, and then it extended all of my class mates. I could get full scores for the English grammar. It was supposed to be hard to pass those tests. Even so, he continued to ignore me.
And there came the graduation day. At the party after ceremony, Mr. F said to me sorry, and also said “I read your thesis.”
I couldn’t be the preventative, but I was appraised for the thesis I wrote for the tragedy of Shakespeare. I thought it was too late to be respected then.
I have got into the habit of walking forward repelling. I think it is just being human to prejudice, but on the other side, I pray there will come the day when there is no prejudice, in people.

LOVE & PEACE Charity Concert

LOVE＆PEACE Charity Concert
supporting FRIEDENS DORF International

12th August 2010, Thu
Start from 18:30 (open 18:00)p.m.
OAG Hall in Goethe-Institut

1)Opening:Rikiya Nishiyama（professor Japan Women’s university GermanHistory of Literature）
2) Story teller show:Akiko Iijima , Kosuke Ito(piano)
3) Songs: Masami Tanto(Sop.) , Jyunji Matsuo(Ten.),You U eda(piano)
4) Chorus:attendance of “German Poetries and Songs”in Women’s　university LLC and Kiyoko Idota(piano)
*Sighnlanguateinter preter:(Eiko Kanazawa)

Maria Elizabeth’s Music Group”
supporting FRIEDENS DORF International

Amazing Grace

I studied "Ave Maria" first inLatin, by Gounod and "Gianni Schicchi” followed by Italian in succession. But I couldn’t get my own vocals easily.
Meanwhile, I spoke with my voice trainer who suggested we sing "Amazing Grace" which I had tried one day at a culture center in Shibuya last month.
My impression, as I watched on TV, the American nation unite and sing after the terrorist incident (September 11, 2001) of New York is fresh and vivid in my memory.
When I sang it once more, I felt its splendid music, that causes a big movement with waves, being sung by various people of many countries, each in their own way.
It is said that this song was sung to expiate the sin of the slavery by emigrants from U.K. to U.S.A., but to tell the truth, it is not so well understood in detail.
Anyway, I heard it has been sung and inherited, from person to person.
As it has been sung in U.S.A. , often called a racial melting pot, it wraps warmly around and heals us.
I was able to sing it naturally, because I’m fond of English, even though I have I’ve never sung before.
"First"、I said to myself, “Let’s memorize it.” Then, I went to a restaurant to read the score many times, while eating a sandwich.
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wreck like me
I once was last but now I’m found
Was blind but now I see

‘Twas grace that taught heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come
‘Tis grace have brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home”(by Emiko Shiratori)

But there happened　a question in my mind who have ever helped me.
I listened for trial one　of diva being the topic of this year when I went to a CD shop after that.
However, After all, I decided I’m going to pursuing this wide world little and little, as possible as I can, through I had lessons by various instructors.
Anyway, I can feel the reaction is different each only by my taking the song’s name nevertheless it is known by all.
Receiving each thought, I want to gather up my “Amazing Grace” with the warmth as a movie “American Kilt”

A Statue of Bombed St. Virgin Maria

“Mama, Help me!”
“Water…, Give me water…”
Nagasaki is a town which has become ash instantly.
Our arrival at Nagasaki was delayed because a supersized typhoon attacked Fukuoka and stopped train. Therefore we had to visit around the 26 Japanese Apostle Saints Memorial and the Atom Bomb Museum and Urakami Cathedral, the Peace Prayer Statue, Oura Catholic Church, the Grabber’s House with my friend quickly.
Two days later I came back to Tokyo, I felt like having heard voices of women and children. At the same time, my inner voice has been slept for long was revived. I noticed it’s when souls having been wandered in the Purgatory borrowed the power of the 26 Apostle Saints and brought back breath in my half.
The breathing of the sacred soul that returned from the world of the Erebus is hot almost as same as flame of the atomic bomb.
From the moment, not the obligation “that I must pray”, I became often fall into a situation I pray unconsciously.
　Why did Christian in the Edo era follow to Jesus Christ without being afraid of death?
The ticket “Love is stronger than Death” printed , which I got in 26 Japanese Saints Memorial, My heart was　caught the word “Ai ha si yori mo tsuyoshi.”
“What is Love?” No time to think having any reason, the Love of Jesus Christ started flaming in my mind slowly. Why did I forget this Love for long? I think the reason why I haven’t touched the town which suffered pain fiercely and the Love of God which overcome it.
Never the Love having excuse、 but the unconditional Love being able to make sunk our body in flame of the Love naturally.

The soldier,
Being brave and purity
Devoted his soul
For the Lord of Heaven
His　honor was noble

If the Heaven and Nature died,
His name would be live,
Forever we hand it down,

（The 407th Catholic hymnal）

Before watching the Statue of 26 apostle Saints, I sang this song with my inner mother for me and my friend who didn’t know it, and tore since my mother has passed away after approximately 1years.
The flame which they bored the persecution of torture and of the atom bomb and, of the Love of Jesus Christ, and then the weight of the crime of we human who cannot be healed by ourselves.
Why did　attack the Western countries the town which lived in people believed same Christ, so close Urakami Cathedral? Would certain sadism in modern people accompany a kind of pleasure at the moment? The darkness of the sorrow that we cannot　express, such as a country of the sorrow written in "The Never Ending Story" ( by Michael Ende).
　We say that the war have never over if they didn’t drop an atom bomb, if we didn’t make a mistake. But we have experienced the suffering of Jesus Christ "Way of the Cross" in our body, if there was a sacrament as I suffered sweat of the blood in each forehead, would not there be the crime that we didn’t need to commit, would you?
The weight of the crime that there "was no help for it" is only an excuse. I found accidentally the Statue of Virgin Mary bombed in the corner of the Urakami Cathedral. It was same as the poster which I watched once in the room of the brother in the church. While I waited for the brother who did not readily come for a meeting of the one round mourning of my mother just a half year ago, I was attracted all the time by the photograph of the Maria Statue. I heard that found from the ruin of a fire of Urakami Cathedral miraculously.
Both of eyes of the Virgin Mary which watched a little on a slippage looking up at the sky, were so burned by an atom bomb that became hollowed .　
I felt pressingly the sorrow of Virgin Mary’s darkness that she cannot become the voice with both the moan and the cry. I felt the movement of the emotion that her sorrow made internalization.
It is the stage that I watched the poster. When I watched the real, such the feelings did not come up. Rather more lightly; I impressed such as being free from all heavy loads. I felt that I was healed, in a true meaning, from a pain of the death of my mother.
The message taken by the poster was a kind of opportunity to the last. I can mention that we can feel the light itself when we encountered a sacred true tabernacle.
　Not only I watch the record of many tragedies at an atom bomb museum, but I think that I was able to trace the process of healing in temples and arts expressed "Way of the Cross"
To keep the peace of whole world in the future, I think our generation who doesn’t know war, should assume be to experience the history of the pain in the sacrament of Jesus Christ
At last, I finish this story saying that I talked to a friend while watching the “the Peace Statue”.
"Does the right hand of the image point to the sky?" And the left hand which straightens aside expresses Peace. In other words, I think he prays for Peace toward the sky. And the left foot which he stands upon the ground, I think that the right foot bent is to do not spare an effort for peace without worrying about the past. It is only my interpretation, to the last.

About me

I was baptized as a three month old baby because my mother　became Christian when she was a college student.

I lost my ability to hear because of a side effect from medicine that was given to me. I was brought up by the education of my mother, who loved music and had many musical experiences.

In my early 30’s, some changes began happening in my ears, when I had stopped using a hearing aid.

When I first experienced my ability to hear return, I started to participate in various music activities, such as joining a chorus of “Beethoven symphony No.9” and a music workshop. I trained hard, not only with my physical hearing, but also with my heart.

Only for the one reason of having a hearing problem, I was reluctantly forced into the same preconceptions about handicapped people in general. Therefore, I limited my thoughts and activities unconsciously.

I had a similar experience as a Christian also.

I left religious and handicapped people’s meetings, because my heart and body were repulsed whenever I encountered prejudice.

Now, I’m creating for myself, a new identity called Maria Elizabeth, while carrying out the life of a common woman.

Why is the title of my book Maria Elizabeth?

"Maria Elizabeth" is my Catholic name from the title of my book. St.Maria refers to the mother of Jesus Christ.

Elizabeth was the name of a queen who married a Portutuese king from Spain (1271-1336).

She was pained over the fights in the Royal Family, and so she left her castle, devoting herself to do charity for poor children, often in disguise as a common person, so that they would not know she was their Queen!

The Sound of Water and Waves

While pouring hot water in to the tub, I heard the sound of running water. My ears—my ears that could not hear—always caught this sound.

Seven years ago, when I was 22, I decided to stop wearing my hearing aid. Since I lost my hearing at three, the hearing aid had been part of my body.

I am not a person who insists that hearing aids are not necessary. It was that it was not for me, and that it was not enough to make up for the hearing that I had lost. It is true that it was hard for me for a while after deciding not to use it anymore.

However, while using it my body was weak, making my ears ring and my head dizzy, and not using it had instantly made me feel much better. That is why I never started to use the hearing aid again. I was grateful to the fact that my body was healthier, and I loved that feeling. It was better than the convenience of hearing a little better. After that, I reentered university, tried many new things, and even stumbled upon the music work shop.

The first time I ever heard the sound of water was three or four years after I stopped using the hearing aid. It was when I was on a trip with my family to Izu. From our hotel room, we could see the sea.

After getting there and calming down from the excitement of the trip, I went on the balcony alone. The sound I heard then was the sound of the waves. At first, I thought it was my ears ringing again. I closed my eyes and tried to listen. I heard the waves and could imagine them coming and going, in front of my eyes.

I told my niece, and she asked me if I could really hear the sound. As she believed me, I started to believe in myself too. After that, every time I went to sea, I would listen to the waves. I could definitely hear them.

To me, the sound of water was the beginning of all sounds. After water, the sound of wind came, and many other sounds. Little by little, my world of sound started to grow.

Still, my ears are a long way from understanding people’s voices which are very complicated to hear. Maybe I’ll never be able to listen to them. But I don’t think it is impossible.

I always want to be positive, never giving up to the “handicap” of my hearing. I want to search for the real me, that lay amongst the handicap.

(This story translated by Miyoko Adachi. From next time, the translater will change.
Please look forward!)

Hello!

Hi!

I'm Mineko Mori, an essayist in Japan.
I published my second essay book,"Maria Elizabeth's Music" from PHP publishing company last year before.
I got a lot of readers, so I want to introduce my book.
I'll translate some of them with Steven and present for you.
Please look forward!

Mineko